The Final Good-Bye

Finally a time to say good bye
A time to let you go
A time to accept that you do not belong with me
That we were not meant to be.
I knew that this would come
One day or the other.
But reality is so different from imagination,
Life is so short, so unpredictable
Full of twists, turns and it's own funny games.
You meant the world to me.
Oh God! you still do.
I can't say goodbye however hard I try
I just can't let you go
But I know I will have to
Coz you're not mine!
Tears drop, heart breaks
but I know I have to understand
that we are not meant to be
only if it was all so simple.
will you be mine was the question i asked
'I cannot be yours" was the answer you gave
And came the world- toppling, tumbling down on me
I still will say
"Beside you you will find me always--
No Complains No Demands"
My love is a little selfish
It wants the whole of you
I want to be with you
But can never bear seeing you upset, sad or distressed.
I wish I really had got that second chance
But probably there's no second chance in love.
can't say you memories are enough
Nothing less than you is enough for me
But,
Since I can't have you..
I'll have to do with the memories. 


P.S.: I wrote this when I was sixteen. I know, kiddish and stupid but back then I thought I was an awesome poet. :P
Yes, this poem is here to prove how terribly pathetic I am when it comes to poetry! :P

The Blue-Eyed Boy

Internship in Mumbai was supposed to be fun. Beaches, discs, shopping, nightlife, movie-sets, etc were the things they had imagined. Extended work-hours, working weekends and no time to breathe was what they got.
Someone has rightly said: Being a lawyer is not an easy job.
It was almost a month and they were yet to get one free weekend and by the time they reached home, they were so tired, there was no scope of any nightlife.
It was a not-so-busy day, that day. They signed into the group chat.

Ananya: He is so freaking cute... ^_^
Ashna: So?
Vyom: Who?  :O
Ashna: The new guy in the office.
Vyom: He's not new. He's on the board of directors.
Ashna: What?!
Ananya: What!?
Vyom: Yes.
Ananya: Whatever! He is cute.
Ashna: What's cute in him? White as milk.  His lips are so pink.
Vyom: Exactly.
Ananya: His smile. The dimple. The voice. Aahhh, I died when he talked to me yesterday. And his EYES!! They are so blue. *_*
Ashna: The only good thing. I like the eyes.
Vyom: GIRLS!!! :x

The next few days were spent in the usual manner. All Ananya talked about was, The Blue-Eyed Boy.
They were sitting in the cafeteria when their blue-eyed boy came to them. Vyom and Ashna excused themselves.
"He asked me for my number." Ananya informed both of them animatedly.
"And, you refused." Vyom teased.
"Ha ha! Funny."

*Blue-Eyed Boy Calling*
"Hello?" Ananya said, holding her breath.
"Hey. I hope I am not disturbing." he said in his honey-smooth voice.
"Not at all." she said.
They talked for about an hour.
"Hey, before I hang up, I want to ask you something." he said.
Was he going to ask her out?
She kept him on hold, danced a little, called Ashna and then resumed the call, putting the phone on speaker.
They both heard with bated breaths.
"Umm.. if you don't mind me telling this. Is your friend single?"
Both their hearts sank. What!? Ashna mouthed. He doesn't even know me. Shucks!
"Err.. Yes." Ananya said, not wanting to talk anymore.
"Good. Because I really like him," he said.

Ananya and Ashna looked at each other. HIM!?

"Excitement mei galat bol gaya hoga yaar," Ashna said.

"Him?" Ananya asked him.
"Yes. Vyom is so freaking cute."

                                                            ----x----
Sometimes life plays silly jokes on people. :P

P.S.: I have no clue what made me write this.

It's you. Forever!

“I can absolutely not understand why my brother has to behave like a complete jack-ass at times. Do you know?” Siya came into the room like a tornado and one look at her told me that the volcano was about to burst!

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing.”

“Okay.” I said and returned back to the safety of the letter.

“Okay? That’s all?” she looked at me and shouted.

How does she manage to shout with double energy every time, is still a mystery to me. I was about to ask what was wrong when she looked at the letter in my hand.

“The letter, huh!” she smiled.

“Don’t torture yourself, baby. Do what you feel like. Life isn’t about thinking so much. It is about doing. If you want to get back with him, then do so. Life is too short to sit and ponder.” She said.

And before I could say something, she went back from the romantic self to the crazy, angry-at-the-moment-self.

“What did he not agree to, this time?” I asked.

“Letting me go out with Saif.” She cried, her big, beautiful, brown eyes filling with tears.

Wow, I am always amazed at her capacity to cry. I mean, no matter what the reason, no matter how trivial a reason, she can cry. Such a drama queen she is. Where does she get all the tears from?

Just then her phone started ringing. Swapnil. Moving out of the room seemed to be the safest option but I couldn’t budge an inch from where I was sitting.  Thankyou Siya.

After a lot of shouting and screaming and crying and fighting, Siya smiled. I knew at the moment that Swapnil had relented.  That she was going out with this Saif guy.  When she kept the phone she gave me a victorious smile.

“Who is Saif, anyway?” I asked, genuinely intrigued by now.

“He.” Siya said pointing towards the laptop screen.

Okay. This guy was hot. Like, really, truly, absolutely hot. I mean, my eyes popped out. Wow. His profile picture on Facebook oozed sexiness. It was something I can never forget. White shirt and blue jeans.  An Indian version of Ian Somerhalder. The guy from the Trueblood Series? Yes. You got it right. Damon Salvatore. And, he was from my college? What? Why had I never seen him? Deep-gray eyes, a smile which left a deep gash in his right cheek and a face which was not shaved for almost about two days, made him absolutely sexy.

“Can I send him a friend request?” I asked Siya, still looking at the profile picture.

“He is mine” she replied.

“Just like all the other guys?” I asked and she stuck out her tongue at that.

“Why have I never seen him?” I asked still looking at the picture.

“Maybe because he is in the College of Engineering Studies and also because you’re too busy thinking about Amey all the time?” She replied.

“Whatever!” I said, still looking at the picture. 

Just then my phone rang. Amey. Everything else faded. I could only see his name on my phone. The conversation lasted for about six minutes, more than what I expected. 

After I kept the phone down, Siya said, "You know what? I think I should wear this one for the date. What d'you suggest?"

"Date?" I asked, confused.

"The one with Saif." she reminded me.

"Saif?" I asked, wondering aloud.

"Forget it." She sighed, made an overly dramatic face and went back to her pile of clothes.

The Lady in My Life

I miss her when she is away. Her smile is the most beautiful, in the world. Her voice is the sweetest. She is The Most Important Person in my Life. She is sweet. She is pretty. She is Cute. She is the most beautiful girl. Her smile takes my heart away. I can hear her speak, forever and ever.
I come back home after months and the first thing I do, is visit her. I am no more tired. When she sees me and smiles- Ahh, that feeling! When she rushes towards me, I can see no one but her.
And, when she says, "I Lubbbbb You," I am the happiest person.

She is my two year old niece- Zara. My princess. My love!     

Love all Along.

He smiled. A smile meant only for her. Her heart skipped a million beats. He had the most amazing smile, in the whole entire world. If smiles could kill, she would have died a thousand deaths by now.

“Thank you.” She muttered as she took the paper from his hands. As the hands brushed and the eyes met, she stopped breathing.

She quickly turned.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.  She commanded herself and took in a deep breath.

They were in the same class. Since the last two years and for the next three!

“Err… Akrishta?” he called out to her.

The paper almost fell from her hands. He knew her name.

Of Course, he does. Silly. You’re both in the same class.

He had this effect on her. Only he did.

“Yes, Ayan?” she managed.

“Would you mind explaining me these questions? I scored zero. See?” He said, making a face, showing her the paper in his hand.

“Umm… Sure!” She said.

“Okay. Meet me in the Food Court after this class?” he asked, smiling.

Food Court. 3 p.m

“You get the point?” she asked him for the tenth time now.

“Na. Not yet.” He replied.

He didn’t because he was not trying to. He was busy listening to her voice. For the first time in the two years that he knew her, did he hear her say so much.

He didn’t want to let this opportunity go. He wanted to tell her. But he knew she did not feel the same for him. In two years’ time she had hardly ever looked at him. He knew the answer. 
This girl had her heart since the first day he had seen her. Every time he tried talking to her, something or the other stopped him.

He gave the thought, another thought. Should he really tell her and accept the rejection which was going to come his way or let it be and never know what she felt?

What the heck! He thought.

“… so the balance of power…” she was saying.

“I want to ask something really important,” he said, with all seriousness.

“Yes?” she asked.

Every time their eyes met, she felt a rush of emotions. Love.

“I love you. Do you love me?” he asked, looking straight into her eyes.

She blinked. And blinked again.

Did he just say what she just heard?

All the while his hands were clenched tightly, in anticipation. Why do girls take so much time to answer? What if she says no?

She said nothing. Her heart was doing flip-flops. It was beating so fast, she thought it’d jump out.

“Yes,” she said meekly. What if she’d not heard him correctly. What if he’d asked something about the “balance of power”?

For the first time in a few minutes, he breathed. For the first time in two years he sighed in relief. For the first time in two years, he looked into her eyes and realized it was love all along. He just had to see it. Love. The most beautiful feeling, ever. Love for him meant her and for her meant him.

They smiled at each other. They held each others’ hands.

His smile still is the most amazing in the whole, entire world and her heart still skips a beat every time he smiles. Only for her. 

The Parting and The Meeting

She looked at him wondering when she would get to see him again. He looked handsome even in his sleep, the calmness accompanied with a faint smile playing on his lips made her heart ache. She longed to touch him, trace his face with her fingers. But she did not want to wake him, did not want to disturb his sleep. The childlike smile he gave when she gently held his hand, melted her heart and brought tears to her eyes. She realized she loved him, more than she could ever imagine.

Tomorrow he’d be gone. Gone for six months or maybe seven. After just four months of marriage he’ll be gone for six months leaving her all alone. She did not want him to go but she was not given any other option. He was the captain of the ship. A merchant navy officer. This was his job. He had asked her after proposing her for marriage if she would be able to cope with the irregularities of his job and she had replied,”you bet”. After all he had gone before, but that was different, they were not living together.  The marriage had brought a change. Now she was even more in love, cared even more and was going to miss him a billion times more. She now realized how badly she was going to miss him, miss how she was greeted at the front door when she reached home, spontaneous, unexpected sweet gestures which made her incredibly happy, how they would talk for hours before finally drifting off to sleep.

            How was she going to manage coming home to no one? No smiling face for the next six to seven months. She sighed and cried. He turned and opened his eyes to see her sitting there with tear-stained cheeks. It took him one full minute to register what he was seeing. Then he sat up surprised. The surprise in his eyes made her laugh. He continued looking at her. “Stop it.”                    

 “Why are you crying?” he asked. She did not say anything, just looked at him and blinked. And then he realized, realized that it was him she was crying for. “Shhhhh…. It’s okay, it’s okay”, he said as he hugged her. Listening to his voice, feeling the warmth of his body, calmed her senses to a certain extent. And then she slept soundly in his arms.

The first rays of the morning sun beamed into the room and Aryan opened his eyes to his beautiful wife. The sun highlighted her sharp features and it took him a great amount of will power to look away from her. He didn’t want to think that she would be all alone for the next six months. He hated waking her up but he had planned things for her. His flight took off at seven in the evening and he had exactly twelve hours. “Riya?” he said softly. She gently opened her eyes, looked at him and smiled. The smile that dimpled her cheeks, the dimples which he so madly loved. God! How he wanted to stay. For the first time in his career he hated this job. For the first time he wanted a NORMAL 9-5 job. At least he could be back every evening. He would have had weekends to them. Now he was going to leave her for next six months under the care of no one.

“Good Morning darling” he greeted her. “Good Morning, love,” she smiled and suddenly the smile faded and the face became pale as the realization dawned. He could see that she was putting a lot of effort to look normal. Gently pulling her to him he whispered, “It’s okay. I love you and don’t you worry I’ll be back soon. We’ll get through this, sweets.”  She buried her head in his shirt and wished it was actually as easy as he made it sound. Reluctantly she left him to prepare tea.

                                                                              ******

He stood there, transfixed. He wanted to move and take her in his arms and never let her go. Eight months. The scene of the same airport, eight months ago, flashed before his eyes. The same woman, with tears in her eyes and a pained expression on her face had waved him good-bye. His newly-wedded wife! It was eight months ago.

The same woman stood there, waiting for him with the same smile that gave her dimples, dimples that he so madly loved. The spark in her eyes was back. Her big, beautiful eyes lined with a thick line of kohl. It was the eyes that had attracted him to her, five years ago. The eyes that were the prettiest in the world. The eyes which could look through your soul. The eyes which were so child-like, they could take your heart away. The smile on her face accelerated his heart-beat like it always did.

She was yet to see him. Still, she was smiling. Smiling because, she was happy beyond measures. Her husband, her love was returning. Only she knew what torture it was, living without him for eight long months. He was supposed to be gone for six months but the period extended. Every minute, every second had seemed to be an eternity.

She turned and her heart stopped beating for a second. There he stood, as handsome as ever. She pinched herself, just to make sure that this wasn’t a dream, like all other times. No, it wasn’t. He was there. Her Aryan was there. She stopped the tears with great effort and mentally chided herself. As she took a step forward, he did the same. It was difficult to believe that it was really him.

She felt safe, secure and content as he hugged her. All the fears and insecurities vanished. All the doubts that his love for her may have lessened, diminished. Every thought vanished from her mind and all she could think of was Aryan. This time, she did not stop the tears. She let them flow. She smiled. A happy, content smiled.

He hugged her a little tighter. He didn’t want to let her go. Not yet, not ever. His wife— the love of his life. Every day, every minute he had craved to see her, to touch her. To have her in his arms, like now and now she was here. With him. He couldn’t have asked for more.

Reluctantly, he released her.

They looked into each others’ eyes. They didn’t need words. The eyes, the smile, the expression and the touch did the talking. As they held hands and walked out of the airport, towards their car, he softly whispered, “I Love You, Riya. You’re all I have ever wanted.”

She smiled as fresh tears came out. And she said, “I love you too and you’re all I could ever want.”

“Except of course a baby to complete our family.” He smiled.

                                                               

Kaun Banega Crorepati, Junior!?

With three days to go for the mid-semester exams, I should ideally be studying right now. But then, I remembered an incident from my childhood and I have to, have to, completely have to tell you about it. Okay, well, I never really forgot about it.
 
We were in the fourth standard then, the year was 2002 and that was the year when KBC, Junior had started and all the kids were very, very excited to participate and win huge amount of money which until then was won by those adults.So, now we got a chance to prove ''hum kisi se kam nahi''. 
 
How old was I? Eleven and a half. I really, really, desperately wanted to participate and WIN. Like, this was the dream I was living for. Like, this was the only thing which kept me going. Like, once this goal was achieved, I could die, peacefully. So, the day the phone lines opened and the questions were asked, I started calling. Like, a million times a day. But God didn't listen to me. Naturally.
 
It was raining heavily that day. Cats and dogs. Isn't this what they say? I came back from the school and attacked the phone. I tried and tried and tried and finally the call did connect. As soon as the recorded voice asked me to wait for a real person to take over the phone the phone line went dead. Imagine! I had been trying and trying so hard for this day and just when I was about to reach my destination the phone went dead. I cursed and cursed a little more. Okay. I did not curse. I cried. A lot. Ten days. That's for how long my phone remained *dead*!
 
It was the science class. Science, my favourite subject, back then. Yes, I was smart when I was younger. My teacher asked a question in the class and needless to say, I was the only one who knew the answer. I mentally patted myself and won an appreciative look from my teacher after I gave the correct answer. Well, when the period was about to end, the teacher asked me if I had tried for the KBC, Junior thingy.! Yes, she rubbed salt on my wounds. Something got into me and I said: "Yes ma'am! Just last night I recieved a call from those people and they have called me for the shooting." 
 
Yes, you guessed it right. I became the star of the class. Instantly. Everybody was excited. As it wasn't me but they who had been selected. Well, it wasn't even me but only I knew that. I enjoyed every bit of attention, I got. I was even given gifts. 
 
Co-incidentally, one of my cousins was getting engaged that very month and we had to go to Delhi. That is the time I told my class-mates and my class-teacher that I was going for the shooting.
 
*Guess, who got through the fastest-finger-first! Yes, that was me. And guess, how much I won. Twenty-five lakhs!*
 
So I came back from the shooting (engagement) and informed everyone at school about my *success*! and every single person was oh-so-happy. The news reached the principal and she announced it infront of the entire school. The junior and the senior wing both had one common assembly that day. Courtesy: ME! And, I was given a Dairy Milk. Crackle it was, I guess. 
Everyone was asking me as to when will the episode be aired and I gave them one random date. 16th June, it was. 
 
I was smart, but not that smart. It didn't strike me that: 
1. A cousin was in the senior wing of the school.
2. The show would never be aired.
3. There was no *Amitabh Bachhan* signed certificate with me which everyone wanted to see.
 
As I told you, I was enjoying all the attention and pampering at school. One day I returned home, happy and content. As soon as I entered the house, I heard Ma talking to someone over phone. She was saying, ''Nahi, aisa kuch bhi nahi hai. Arre, mai baat karti hu usse.. aane dijiye usko.''  What happened next is history. Next day, I was accompanied by Ma. The principal had changed and the new one had no idea about my *small* prank. Anyway, Ma had a *small* talk with my class-teacher and I apologised to the entire class and the junior wing. Oh God, the humliation. Even today, I shudder when I think about that day. Today, everybody laughs at this stupidity of mine. Back then I was almost hated. *shudders*
 
P.S.: The principal who gave me that Dairy Milk is the principal of my school again. She still thinks that I am a genius and I had won Twenty-five lakh rupees in 2002. 
P.P.S: See you after my mid-semester exams. Don't know what I'll write when I am clueless about the syllabus of two out of five subjects.
 
The work above is true in all repect. I was one smart and stupid at the same time girl!
Also, I need best wishes. Coz I haven't studied a bit. Hope your wishes help!

Gazals and Jagjit Singh

::Hothon se choo lo tum, mera geet amar kar do:: ::Chithhi na koi sandes, jaane woh kon sa des jahan tum chale gaye:: many more. Gazals which once heard, are hummed for a long, long time. Ever since, I started understanding songs, ever since, I started listening to the lyrics of the songs and ever since I came out of the obsession for songs which were nothing but meaningless shouting, I have been a huge fan of these meaningful, heart-touching gazals. The man himself, Jagjit Singh.
I was still a kid when I had first heard one of the gazals by Jagjit Singh. At that time, I had labelled it as one of those songs which could be used as a lullaby. Now, if you ask me, I'd prefer one of the gazals to those stupid, bollywood songs.
Every gazal that he has sung. Every sentence, every word of those gazals strike a chord. Soothing and meaningful. Words you can connect to.
Jagjit Singh was a gem. His absence, I am sure, will be greatly felt. He sure will live through his gazals. 

Love You-- till Eternity!

I am basically a romantic at heart. Crazy about love. Love in any form is the most beautiful thing in the whole, entire world for me. Love is the solution to all the problems that ever existed in the world. If you love someone you can bring him back from dead. Yes, That is how much of belief I have in Love. Ain't love the most beautiful feeling ever? Love of a man and a woman, is not the only kind of love I am talking about here. Love in every form of existence. It is how you love your mom, your dad, your family, you dog, your pets, your friends or for that matter anyone.
I'll tell you a story. It's a story of a boy and a girl. A real story. There is nothing extraordinary about it but everything about it is special. It is NOT my story but it is the story of two people I love and well, who love each other. Truly, madly, deeply, Totally!
You must have heard people fall in love. When they haven't met each other. Haven't even seen each other.. It's the voice, most of the times. But what happens when you hear something About Him/Her and fall in love. These people fell in love in the exact same way and well, that love is for, forever!
He loved her ever since he heard about her. Something told him that she was the person. That no one, absolutely no one can ever affect him the way she had. She knew there was something different about him. Only she did not know, What! And then after three years of little somthings, small talks, friendship, fights and meeting each other for quite a few times, they realised that it was LOVE. Pure, unadulterated Love.
You know what happened when he first saw her? After months of loving her without even a glimpse of her, he was mesmerized. Mesmerized by her eyes, her face, her smile and her nose. He knew at the moment that she was everything he could have ever wanted, ever wished for. More than that!
She fell in love with his simplicity, the way he took care of her every wish. Everything.
She falls ill. He falls ill. She is sad. He gets sad. If she doesn't wake him up, he gets sad! If she doesn't eat, he skips his meal.
Everytime they meet, their faces glow with happiness. People say long-distance relationships don't work. They do. I have the proof. They are so happy together that it makes people want to fall in love.
They are so, so, so much in love, it makes me want to fall in love. Sometimes it makes me feel jealous. Sometimes I wonder how can two people love each other so much.
*Awe*
God Bless them! :) :)